Lately I’ve started writing much more than years past (have you noticed this blog?) It feels like the right creative outlet especially as I explore this new period in my life, Act Three.
Creative expression has always been a driving force for me. When I was a kid I dreamed of singing and dancing on Broadway – heck, I’ll say it, I wanted to be a star. My mother schlepped me to auditions all the time, each with the same heartbreaking result – CHORUS! Evidently my voice sounded great to me and had I been the casting director I’d have won the lead hands down. But – c’est la vie. As each heartbreak gave way to the next bout of courage and the next resounding NO THANKS I finally figured it out. My future wasn’t going to be on stage. Time to move on … and then I discovered… back stage!
Voila! Back stage became the perfect fit — stage manager, show producer – change to radio producer, on to TV producer, then into management, and on to departmental leadership. Once I set my new sights I started hearing yes yes yes yes, which is a lot more fun than a childhood filled with no’s.
A passion was ignited and my drive was born. I couldn’t get enough of work – it’s all I wanted and the only thing I did. Weekdays consisted of a minimum of 12 hour days and weekends were spent perusing magazines, newspapers, books or watching TV – all in search of the next great idea for a show or a promotion or a special or a series. And I never got tired of it until … I did. More than 30 years later.
Shockingly my drive has let me go. It no longer consumes my waking hours, nor does it deprive me of sleep. I’m blissfully free of its grasp. And I don’t miss nor mourn it. I’m enjoying the sense of freedom from the need to keep pushing.
Equally surprising is that my interest in making a creative contribution hasn’t waned. In fact it’s starting to blossom again. But it’s not associated with need to do. It’s more like inspired to do.
Is it possible that I’ve actually kissed my drive goodbye? I guess time will tell.
How about you? What drives you?
I always considered myself a self-starter. Very motivated, always taking initiative, but since becoming a recent empty-nester, I’ve found I don’t want to do anything when I get home from work. Still waiting to see if I’m just recuperating from a long haul of parenting, or if I’m really ready to slow-down and just let life happen to me rather than going after what I think I want.
I left work more than 2 years ago and have just recently felt the inspiration to start a creative outlet. During those 2 years I allowed life to unveil itself to me. Just let it happen until the correct timing for you reveals itself. I think it’s a process.
I think that drive sort of ebbs and flows. When I was teaching, I loved, loved, loved it and put in 10 – 12 hour days. It was exciting and exhausting. After I “retired,” I started a new career working with women over 40 who wanted to work at what they loved. Wow! A fresh burst of energy and long hours again. Now I’ve reinvented myself as The Famous Frugalista. The drive is still there, but this time around, I’m putting limits on the hours invested. And you know what? I’m loving the freedom to be creative without exhausting myself completely. Why did it take so long to figure this out?
I love the notion of reinvention! Maybe that’s what I’m in the process of doing.
If we’re not growing — and constantly reinventing ourselves — we just stagnate. So I say Reinvent Away!! Life should be an amazing adventure, don’t you think?
Absolutely! And it is. I don’t want to die and say “I wish I had …”