It was a beautiful bright day riding my bike through Key West, much like yesterday’s cycling trip. The sky was a vivid blue and the wind was blowing gently masking the sun’s searing rays. Once again I slathered the sun block on all exposed skin, wore a hat and continued my exploration of this small and tightly packed party island.
I love my bike trips, many of which are solitary experiences. My husband doesn’t ride and my friends who do aren’t here. It’s just me, my bike, the scenery and my thoughts which flow unencumbered by conversation. Sometimes so many ideas flow through my mind I need to stop and record them on my phone for evaluation at a later time. Other times it’s meditative to ride at an even pace and coast when something grabs my attention for a closer look.
Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your won presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement.
Alice Koller
I also find myself receptive to new people and while it’s usually true that strangers tend to keep to themselves, they’re unusually responsive to friendly repartee when I’m alone. The art gallery manager from Michigan explained how he and his wife stopped for a day in Key West during a cruise and decided to move here. That was in 2002. We talked for probably 15 minutes.
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Somehow the idea of being alone became equated to loneliness and nothing could be farther from the truth. Loneliness surfaces from a depressed state, one which rises from a sense of lack. Being alone lacks nothing. There is no void, just a contentedness for being where you are, doing what you’re doing and enjoying your own company.
Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.
Theologian Paul Tillich
In fact I do many things alone, always have. I’ve never required a companion to see a movie, theater, shop, have a restaurant meal, attend an event, visit a city, take a vacation – you name it and I’ve done it alone. I get together with friends when I want to see them and share experiences. My husband comes along when he’s interested in doing the same thing at the same time, but in truth our interests are overlapping circles that share about 20 percent of the same space.
What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.
Ellen Burstyn
Mostly I’m a loner who also has friends. I’ve never identified with people who deny themselves experiences if they can’t find a companion. Frankly, I know a lot of people who have felt very lonely in the company of others, and that includes some married couples.
Solitude (Photo credit: Lady-bug)
I don’t live in solitude but I seek its experience everyday. Alone feels good, it percolates with a vibrancy that strengthens intuition. And intuition is the juice that powers wise decision-making. I always allow it to have pre-eminence over my mind because it speaks the truth.
Read below for many delicious thoughts about solitude.
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actthreedotnet 
I am alone after 31 year abusive marriage. I hate being alone. I like my alone time, but want someone to share my life with. The fear of being alone, kept me in the abusive situation.
I am working hard to make a difference in the world and have been writing to talk shows, magazines, newspapers, etc. for over 10 years to speak about verbal abuse (which usuually is the precursor to physical violence.)
I am a freshman in college at age 65, because I won a scholarship. I won the scholarship, because of what I wrote about my life.
My book, Sanctuary of the Soul (poems of anguish, healing, hope, comfort and celebration) is endorsed by Elie Wiesel, Wayne Dyer, Nikki Giovanni, Drs. Alice Miller, Larry Dossey, et al (14 in all)…..It is so humbling….www.soulpoetry.org
http://www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com is my site for what happened to me when I got a divorce, and fought spiritual abuse (almost 20,000 hits). My name was put up on a big screen, followed by the words: “Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.” Called t a meeting of 15 men/deacons, not allowed to have a woman with me, and asked, “Are you still having sex with your ex/!” I had let him live in my house after the divorce. I fought for 18 months to try and stop the pastor from “counseling” any more women, because 2 of those women were suicidal (because of his “counseling” skills.
I am making a YouTube video for a contest and entitling it: The Silent Scream…..about verbal and physical abuse…the statistics are staggering: 1 in 3 women are living in silence, fear and shame because of abuse, and it affects ALL areas of our society: that is over 52 milliion women in the U.S….and of course, children are affected.
I am lonely, but will never stop working to make a difference. I have also written my memoir; Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice).
Love to all who read this. Alice (over comer and wounded healer)
Love to hear your thoughts: carleton@oakland.edu
Alice I’m very sad for your past situation and current bouts of loneliness. Are you able to seek friendships when you need them? Might you consider rooming with another woman for companionship? Kudos for making your life meaningful in other ways. May you continue your healing process. Thanks for your thoughts.
This is such a huge subject for me that I once started a blog called “Afraid to be Alone.” I love quiet time by myself, and I spent 20 years within two previous marriages being as lonely as I could ever be, and going everywhere by myself. The solitude you describe – being free to explore, and then happy to return home to company – seems the best kind. The kind I fear is the kind where you return home to silence.
….Lynne: And that is the kind I live with, returning home to silence….I really hate it when I have to go somewhere at night and come home to a a dark house. Did you read what I wrote (just above you)?
Smiles, Alice
Alice, I just read it. Wow. I echo Joyce’s words of compassion. I think a dark house would be a sanctuary after what you’ve been through. BUT! Whenever my husband is gone for a while – he sometimes sees friends or goes on multi-day fishing trips – I do several things to make the “dark house” seem more welcoming. 1. If I leave, I set the alarm, so I know that when I get home, nobody has been inside while I was gone. 2. I turn on noise – the news or music. I also turn on lots of lights, even candles. 3. I savor the chance to spend quality time by myself on my own terms. 4. I avoid certain sensory stimuli that are negative. Ex: I have come to understand that the new age music I like during the day bums me out at night. I don’t read downer books or watch bummer movies. And I stay busy until I’m ready to relax, then I read until I am tired enough to fall asleep easily. And THEN I lock my bedroom door and wear earplugs! What a wimp, huh? But that’s what it takes.
I empathize with your past situation Lynne, thankfully I’ve never been there. Rick and I’ve been together for more than 30 years with very different interests and a very good stimulating friendship. I thrive on my independence as does he. Very glad for you that you’ve found a much more contended life.