This month’s shell is pristine enough to be sold in a beach souvenir shop instead of where I found it, lying among other scattered shell fragments on a beach somewhere in Florida. Shelling is a favorite past-time for tourists in Florida, for locals too I think. It’s what I seem to do when walking the beach with my eyes glued to the sand to avoid stepping on sharp things. I can’t help but pick up pretty shells to later put in one of the decorative bowls in my house.
This one came from a specific bowl that I filled with 12 shells, each one signifying one month of life. My intention is to stay aware of each month so I can appreciate the relationship of time and my life. With this one gone, there are eight months left to this particular year. When looked at that way, it becomes rather glaring that my days of life continue to tick away. My how a year goes by quickly. And what do I do with that time?
January, was occupied by friends, mostly, and if not being with them then thinking about them. Maybe that’s because of the underlying thread of death and dying that confronted me this month. Of course there was my ongoing hospice work, but also a very dear man I know dropped dead suddenly, and a different very important friend is facing health challenges that threaten her longevity. During times of losing someone or potentially losing someone the importance of relationships take center stage. Or rather, threatening times make you realize how important relationships really are. When facing death people don’t wish they’d worked harder or longer hours. They tend to lament the amount of time spent with people they love. So I’m taking time with good friends while I still live in blissful ignorance of my eventual demise.
For starters there was Marilyn, a friend who dates back to early childhood. Was I five when we first played together? She lived two houses down from us and her family was my second family. I showed up every Christmas morning, as early as my mother would allow, sometimes in my pjs to catch everyone opening their presents. There was always one for me and later I’d asked if I could stay for dinner. Never knew about proper etiquette back then. Actually, I practically lived at Marilyn’s house – spent several school day afternoons each week there, summer vacations at the beach with her family (mine never took vacations), family picnics, many family dinners and countless overnights whispering the nights away together. Her house was my escape hatch when family wars in mine became overbearing. Now Marilyn says we’re better than sisters. I have to agree, and it started … 50 years ago? Oy vey!
Marilyn is facing a serious health challenge now; it might be the fight of her life – for her life. She lives in Florida and though I’m in Tennessee the distance is not keeping us from our necessary friendship. She needs me and I need her; I’ve always needed her. And we’ll get through this together, one way or another. The first week of this month was spent at her house just when we received her mind numbing diagnosis. Serendipity?
And then I came home to a text message from a former colleague and friend with the news about Jerry, how his wife discovered him the next morning and surmised he died in his sleep. 59 years old. Friends, family and colleagues were stupefied by the news. Say what? Really? How the hell … ? And now Facebook is littered with photos of him and memories galore. His wife, shell shocked. And yet – what a way to go, huh? One day you’re here living your life – and he lived his with gusto – and the next day it’s all over. No pain, no suffering, no dreadful diagnosis that makes you evaluate your life. If I got to choose, I’d make sure I enjoyed the living while the living was good – then checked out, Jerry’s way.
Well I do get to choose – at least the first half of the equation. I do have the power to enjoy my life, love my friends and family and live with no regrets. And so far – I’m right on target…
Which brings me to Judie. She and I worked together many years ago in Pittsburgh during our radio days. She was a reporter I was a producer and we were tight friends. 35 years later we still are – though we’ve lived separately in a few different cities since then. Still do – she in California, me in Tennessee. But when we catch up it’s as though our last conversation was yesterday. Thanks to Facebook we stay in touch and just had one of our catch up phone calls the other day. We talked about needing to get together soon and play because … you just never know, now do you?
I have a couple very dear friends here at home that I haven’t seen in a while – they moved recently and have become caught up in their lives like I have in mine. But that’s not a good excuse especially since we now live five minutes apart.
OK then – February will bring time together with them.
What have you done with your life in January?
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