Image by AlicePopkorn via Flickr
Recently I find myself revisiting memories of my childhood that laid the foundation for who I am today and the direction life is taking me. Back then is when I discovered a love for animals and a palpable need to commune with them. That bond occupies a large part of my life today and can trigger flashbacks to earlier days.
Take morning walks with my dog Pogo for example. He dances for joy each time we leave the house as though this tour of my wooded neighborhood is the first in his life. Actually, he knows every square inch of it because during his month as a stray he foraged for food among our trees until the day he decided that I’d be his mom. Though I’ve always longed for a dog, he’s my first one and the love of my life. Believe me, it’s mutual and he loves our daily excursions where we visit with neighbors and fellow canines.
As Pogo and I reach the crest of a hill, I catch my first glimpse of Marley who’s already thumping her tail in anticipation of our visit. She’s a beautiful Lab mix that belongs to a neighbor but she’s adopted us as family members too. She can barely wait for me to sit down before plopping herself on my lap for hugs and kisses. 
Together we enjoy the beautiful view of the Tennessee River and the Smokey Mountains beyond. And I’m transported back to that nine-year old child who used to visit the collie around the corner. Together Bow and I would crawl into our fort in the bushes and snuggle. She helped me through some tough times back then, laying her head on my lap and cooing soft sounds as I cried out my troubles and accepted her soothing licks on my face. We loved each other and it broke my heart when she died. While I silently reminisce Marley looks up and smiles. I think she knows.
There’s also a real familiarity at the barn where I spend Tuesday mornings with rescue horses. They’re very sensitive creatures and have always tugged at my heart. Maybe the seed was planted when we kids went with my father to his business and visited Murphy, a gorgeous Palomino gelding. He’d jump on that horse’s back and take off as though the two were born as one.
My father was happiest on a horse and we went riding many Sunday mornings along the Wissahickon River into Valley Green, outside of Philadelphia. We’d walk and talk while my father oozed vitality and a freedom of spirit that was contagious. I fell in love with horses too and now when I’m at the barn feeding, grooming, turning out and mucking – I think of those days and smile. And they look at me with those soulful, knowing eyes as if to acknowledge an understanding of our bond.
Over the years so much has changed while so much of me has stayed the child I used to be. I guess that’s what it means to realize your essence.
What events trigger memories for you – and what are those memories and how have they defined who you are today?
actthreedotnet 
Mothers & Daughters
Posted in childhood, children, family, memories, mid-life, musings, relationships, Uncategorized, tagged commentary, Family, Mother, Parenting, reflection on October 23, 2011| 11 Comments »
My neighbor was walking the neighborhood this morning with her grown daughter, deep in conversation as they passed by Pogo and me. We share the daily ritual most days – usually my neighbor is with her husband and dog. On weekends her daughter joins her. It seems they use the time to catch up on intimacies from the past week as they lead their independent lives.
Watching that close repartee sparked a yearning for the same. I miss that kind of friendship between mother and daughter, a relationship I never actually experienced. I’m not sure how you can miss what you never really had, but somehow I do.
My mother was my biggest supporter as a child; she schlepped me to one audition after another as I chased my dream of being on stage. And after each rejection she comforted my heartbreak by telling me that someday she just knew my time would come. Just persevere.
And when my heart was breaking from a boy I loved who wouldn’t be mine, it was my mother who helped me recognize that life wasn’t over. And it was also she who comforted the boys that loved me but weren’t able to win my heart. She counseled them on the phone and encouraged them to move on.
It was also my mother, and only my mother, who came to my piano recitals, choir performances, plays (as a chorus member), and later – talent shows and performances at college. She rooted for me in everything I did and felt that I could hang the moon if I wanted to.
But she was never my friend. As I grew older we continued to talk, but we grew farther apart never really learning much about what makes the other tick. She was consumed with her frustrations and I with a need to offer her ways out of them, though she never heeded any of my suggestions. She was not a mother who pulled her children close to her, in fact, she looked forward to the days when we’d be out on our own and she could fly solo again.
I have a few women friends who adore their mothers, respect and admire them and spend as much time with them as possible. I’ve always envied them; I wish I’d known that closeness.
What’s your relationship like with your mother? And how has it changed over the years?
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